I want to take you back in time once again to August 2006, just prior to Martin O’Neill joining Aston Villa.  As you’ll no doubt recall, David O’Leary had finally been given the elbow in July following an embarrassing string of events which could commonly be referred to as “washing our dirty laundry in public”.  The club was surrounded with speculation about various parties interested in purchasing the club and of course there was no shortage of speculation about the manager’s position.

Villa were due to head out to Holland and Germany for their pre-season with caretaker boss Roy Aitken in charge, but he had to pull out as he was still recovering from surgery and so goal keeping coach Eric Steele was going to take over. Yes, you read that correctly. Aston Villa were about to head off on pre-season with the goal keeping coach at the helm.

There’s plenty of ways of describing how bad things were before Martin O’Neill and Randy Lerner came to Aston Villa, but that statement sums it up nicely.

However, the following day, Friday 4th, it was finally announced that Martin O’Neill was appointed as the new manager to much fanfare and that he would be bringing John Robertson and Steve Walford with him.  Then they all headed off on Saturday to Holland for a jolly pre-season tour, staying at the Doorwerth Hotel, just outside of Arnhem.

Very pretty place. They’ve had many teams base themselves there since they boast impressive facilities with two FIFA approved pitches, massage area and gym. Just the place to get to know your new team and get set up for the start of the season.

To be honest, I didn’t know where the team stayed and nor did I care until I read this intriguing article in the Daily Mail which paints a fascinating picture of training under Martin O’Neill’s guidance:-

The muffled sound of agitated voices spoiled the otherwise tranquil atmosphere at a luxury Dutch hotel during Martin O’Neill’s first week in charge of Aston Villa.

Residents on the terrace glanced up from their newspapers and brunch as Olof Mellberg’s studded boots clattered over concrete to the changing rooms at the Doorwerth Hotel, near Arnhem, as the intensity of Villa’s pre-season cranked up a notch.

‘Sounds like an interesting session, Olof,’ chirped one observer to the Swedish defender.

‘Oh yes,’ the centre half said with a smile after Villa’s first team had spent an hour tearing into each other. That has raised the temperature around here.’

An hour later, after lunch, O’Neill deliberated on his findings following a few sessions with players he had clearly kicked out of their comfort zone.

‘We need to find different ways of scoring a goal,’ he said.

And therein lies the secret of Aston Villa’s success. A willingness to fight, a drive to succeed — allied to an ability to score goals.

Mmmmmn. Did I say ‘interesting’? Sorry, I meant ‘weird’. It really doesn’t strike me as an accurate portrayal of a manager in his first week on the job. And the conclusion he drew from these events? “We need to find different ways of scoring a goal”. Yeah, I don’t really buy it, but this isn’t really the point of the Mail’s article.

It goes on next to quote an anonymous ex-player who doesn’t paint MON in the most flattering of lights:-

I didn’t do any pattern play under him,’ said the forward, who had better remain anonymous in case the Irishman carries out reprisals. ‘We didn’t really do much by way of work on set-pieces either, although people will find that difficult to believe.

‘The fitness work was pretty standard. Most of our play was off the cuff. However, Martin knows what he wants: centre halves, defend; full backs, stop crosses and defend; midfielders, help out at either end of the pitch and create goals; and strikers, score them.

‘As long as you are prepared to give him what he wants, then Martin O’Neill will stand by you morning, noon and night.’

Well, that’s even weirder, but I’ll come back to that, I’m lost in the conundrum of who our mystery ex-player could be. The Mail claims he is an international and a forward, but this is the Daily Mail, they could be being a little economical with the truth here so I expanded the definitions slightly and came up with the following suspects.

OK, let’s deal with these in the order they left.

Milan Baros was frequently a waste of skin in a Villa shirt, only briefly making any attempt to string some consistent performances together, putting himself in the shop window in the lead up to the 2006 World Cup. Baros left Villa in a straight swap for John Carew at Lyon during the January transfer window, just 5 months after Martin O’Neill took over. No question who got the better side of that deal, Lyon manager Gérard Houllier must have felt like he’d just bought a car from Arthur Daley.

Juan Pablo Angel was allowed to leave on a free transfer in April ’07 and headed off to join the New York Red Bulls where he enjoyed a very successful season in the MLS partnering Jozy Altidore, who is currently on loan at Hull.

JPA left on good terms with all parties realizing that he was getting to the stage in his career where first team opportunities would be limited at Villa and moving to MLS was a great opportunity to continue playing football.

Patrik Berger isn’t really a forward, but as this is the Mail and as he does have a mouth on him, he’s got to be a suspect. In fact, Patrik Berger was shown the door a few weeks before his contract expired at the end of May ’08 after publicly advising that Gareth Barry should join Liverpool because they’re just so freaking awesome. No surprises that MON promptly cancelled his contract and sent him down the road kicking stones.

Luke Moore initially did well under MON and it looked like he might finally deliver on the potential he had shown. However, after shoulder surgery, he never quite returned to his best and frankly just looked lazy. He initially went to West Brom on loan in February ’08 before a permanent switch for £3m was confirmed in May ’08. I’ve included him as both a “forward” and “international” despite only scoring 4 goals since joining the Baggies and never adding to his 5 Under-21 caps as, once again, this is the Daily Mail we’re talking about.

Shaun Maloney never really settled at Aston Villa and was frequently the subject of stories about home sickness. Strictly speaking, he’s not a forward, but I think we’re clear why he’s in the line up by now. It was surely little surprise to anyone when he finally returned to Celtic in August ’08 with barely more than a year and half under his belt at Villa Park.

It Was Professor Plum In The Library With The Candlestick

Alright, I’ve dragged this out a little, but there’s really only one player who fits the Mail’s description. Let’s rule out JPA right away, he left on good terms and remains on good terms, frequently tweeting nice things about Villa and seems to genuinely follow what’s going on.

Shaun Maloney remains an outside possibility as he didn’t give a glowing account of his time in Birmingham when he returned north of the border, but as he had worked with MON before it’s unlikely he’d specifically criticise training methods. Luke Moore really can’t have much to complain about and I doubt he has enough experience to criticise any manager for the methods as what does he have to compare it to?

Although he’s not a forward, I can’t rule Patrik Berger out due to his mouth, but still find myself leaning toward Milan Baros. However, there’s absolutely nothing I can think of that would have brought Neil Moxley of the Daily Mail together with either of these two recently, so I can’t help feeling this is just a case of old, previously unused quotes being used to flesh out an article.

Is Martin O’Neill A Ninja?

I said I’d come back to what I thought was the weirdest part of this article so far and perhaps you spotted it too – it’s the stated reason for the necessity for the mystery player’s anonymity:-

[…]said the forward, who had better remain anonymous in case the Irishman carries out reprisals.

What. The. F%$k?!?!

Let’s assume the mystery player is Milan Baros. What exactly is Martin O’Neill going to do to him all the way in Galatasaray? Smear his face in animal droppings and abseil through his window in the dead of night to slash his throat?

That’s it isn’t it? Martin O’Neill is a ninja!!

McLeish had no idea that the ninja was even there, let alone how much his life was in danger if he said the wrong thing.

Another weird thing is the apparent criticism of what Martin O’Neill wants from his team:-

Martin knows what he wants: centre halves, defend; full backs, stop crosses and defend; midfielders, help out at either end of the pitch and create goals; and strikers, score them.

Wow, what a crazy idea!!

Generally speaking, I pay very little attention to this sort of stuff and the reason why is pretty much contained within the article at the Mail. The author suggests that only Ollie and arguably Steven Davis have gone on to make anything of themselves, but I’d say Gareth Barry has probably done better. Regardless, the point I’d make is exactly as I said in another post recently – there isn’t a player that has left Aston Villa in recent years that I’d want back to replace anyone in the current team.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to see the likes of Ollie and/or Martin Laursen join the coaching staff in some capacity, but as for anything players like Berger or Baros may or may not have to say about the manager and his training regime, I could give two shits. I really could.

On the other hand, if I hadn’t read this I may not come across Ninja MON and I’ve a feeling we may well be hearing from him again.