I’m not going to bother sourcing these as I think they’re nonsense…

Peter Crouch’s name has been cropping up a bit lately. Basis for this in my opinion; ‘Arry going to Spurs – expect plenty more rumours about Pompey players. It’s not hard to link Crouchy with Villa, he’s played here before and, urm, he’s kind of tall and MON likes a big’un, doesn’t he?? And that’s about it, so I call shenanigans on this one.

Emile Heskey has been linked with Villa for a couple of weeks now, it’s one of those that doesn’t seem to go away. Again, he’s a big bloke and has played for MON before. But just to prove how easily these things are made up he was most recently linked to Chelsea. Yeah, Chelsea. But this one does concern me a little as it would surprise me the least if it actually did happen. Maybe another straight swap deal – Heskey for Harewood. Remember, The Hare was Wigan bound before MON snatched him from under their noses.

But the silliest rumour doing the rounds right now is alleged interest in our Ashley Young from Real Madrid. Or to be more precise, interest from Juande Ramos. Even if the ex-Spurs manager was even slightly interested, I can’t quite see whoever signs the cheques at the Bernabeu nodding sagely at Ash’s name on a wish list. And even if all that were to happen, I’d back MON to fend off anyone. He did it with Liverpool and Gareth Barry. Fergie held of Real’s interest in Ronaldo, well for now anyway. It can easily be done.

More importantly, even if Madrid did want Ash and MON was willing to sell, I just don’t think Ash would want to go there. It might be an exciting and lucrative move, but I’m not convinced it would really help his England aspirations. And while I think Ash might be a bit partial to a bit of bling bling, he doesn’t strike me as the uber celebrity type, so I’m not sure the glitz would be enough of a lure.

So these are the rumours keeping me chuckling right now, I do hope I’m not laughing on the other side of my face come January 31st!!