It was over a month ago that I first wrote about the bad JuJu surrounding Aston Villa in March under Martin O’Neill’s leadership and since then I have not rested in my quest to find the source of this curse and vanquish the demons once and for all.

I couldn’t reveal my journey to you all before now, for fear of derision and at half time today in Reading I seriously questioned whether by mission had truly been successful, but by the time the referee blew his whistle to close 90 exhilarating minutes I knew that my work was complete and I was free to tell the tale.

I hunted for him in the four corners of the earth, my friends, but just days ago I finally found him in deepest Borneo. A lone, pathetic, twisted, evil man… Kevin Wilkinson. He is the one who had placed this despicable hex on our beloved club, the source of his bitter jealousy was easy to fathom when I stumbled upon him.

There, hanging from what appeared to be a table was a filthy, nauseating rag and as soon as I laid eyes upon it, though it was difficult not to turn away as the bile rose in my mouth, I knew immediately what horrors possessed this pathetic creature, Kevin Wilkinson.

I took the blue rag and even though just touching it caused my skin to blister, breaking out in ugly hives, I was able to throw it into the fire, releasing poor Kevin from his years of torment. Mr Wilkinson thanked me profusely for releasing him from this spell, but sadly I fear I was a little too late, for there in the corner of his primitive dwelling lay a doll with so many pins stuck into it it was difficult to make out the features.

That doll, my fellow Villa fans, bore an uncanny resemblance to Phil Dowd. Could it be? Could it be that Kevin Wilkinson had caused Phil Dowd to not send off Nemanja Vidic at Wembley last Sunday. Damn you Kevin Wilkinson, you go straight to hell, sir!!

So the good news is that this mission was a success and the curse has now been lifted!! We now have a fantastic opportunity to go score some points during the rest of the month, something we haven’t done for a few years now. It’s a packed schedule of course, but that’s what success does so you better get used to it!

I’m generally quite a modest chap, even if I do say so myself, but you really do have me to thank for this you know! 😉

UTV