The Heskey Text Transcript
One of my favourite blogs, Dirty Tackle, has managed to exclusively obtain a transcript of the bust up between Capello and Heskey:-
Capello: Emile! What do you have under the table?!
Heskey: …nothing.
Capello: Your hands are doing something under the table! What is it?!
Heskey: Noth-
Capello: You better not be texting! Do you dare break the Law of Capello against having phones at meals?
Heskey: I’m knitting.
Capello: No you’re not.
Heskey: I’m playing Gameboy.
Capello: No you’re not.
Heskey: I’m having thumb wars against myself.
Capello: No you’re not.
Heskey: I’m pulling my fingers to see which one makes me fart.
Capello: No you’re not.
Heskey: I’m folding my napkin into the shape of Magnum, P.I.
Capello: No you’re not.
Heskey: I’m…playing with myself.
Capello: Gross. No.
Heskey: Alright…I’m texting. Sorry, boss.
Capello: What text message could possibly be so important to make you break my rules and incur my wrath?!
Heskey: …I was texting Aaron Lennon that he has the stupid eyebrows so he sees it when he goes back to his room.
Capello: Violator! You know the punishment for breaking my rules — go shave Rooney’s back.
Much recommended reading at DT is The Continental and Artur Boruc’s Friday Rage List.
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